Spencer's Super-Happy Fun-Time Right-Wing Word Pit

Dear Nobel Committee,

Let me tell you something about California - they are absolute geniuses! Maybe it's something in the water or maybe the smog in the air but I have to confess, these guys have more intelligence than all of our physicists and scientists combined.

We always knew that they were better than us and more sophisticated. They make wine, help traffic drugs and have had the clairvoyance to see the the future if America is open borders and rampant homosexuality. All this pales in caparison to what I have learned about the legislators in California who are brilliant beyond the likes of Einstein.

What am I talking about? Well... this:
This... Is a small plastic sleeve that fits over the grip of your "Assault Rifle" that changes it from an "Assault Rifle" to a regular rifle.

How does it do this and why is it absolutely genius?

The genius comes from the California definition of an Assault Rifle...

A semiautomatic centerfire rifle capable of accepting detachable magazines and any of:

▪ a pistol grip protruding conspicuously below the weapon’s action

This incredible device eliminates "a pistol grip protruding conspicuously below the weapon’s action" thus making the weapon... well... what does it make the weapon?

This is where the genius comes in. The conclusion that I have come to is that it changes the rifle in the following ways:

1. ballistics - You could probably attach a .50 Beowulf upper and fire off a round and this device will lower the velocity of the bullet to that of a .22lr. This device makes the bullet travel a shorter distance at a lower speed and may even morph the caliber of the bullet itself. Magic!
   
2. rate of fire - pull the trigger as fast as you want - this device will stop your finger making it possible for you to only fire 1 round every 10 minutes giving hippies enough time to point you out to the CHiPs.
3. capacity - while this attachment will not stop you from re-loading your firearm, it will prevent you from re-loading your firearm quickly. Sure you can reload any normal firearm like this...
   
   But this little device will slow you down guaranteed, ensuring that you can't kill as many people as you planned to when you bought your Assault Rifle (let's be honest, it's the only reason you bought it). Couple that with only 10 round capacity magazines and Gabrielle Giffords can count to 10 without drooling.
   

Conclusion - this is the best invention since sliced bread. If we could force gun manufacturers to use this sleeve - or for that matter leave the "pistol grip protruding conspicuously below the weapon’s action" out of production making these weapons completely harmless. It's time to recognize the legislators of California for the geniuses that they are!

Signed,

Spencer

P.S.
If you need the name of a person to give it to, just give it to Barack Obama. I know, he doesn't have anything to do with California but he didn't earn his Nobel Prize either so it should be easy.