Spencer's Super-Happy Fun-Time Right-Wing Word Pit

This is a great 4 part speech. A little more than a half hour total.
Enjoy, hippies!

So why does Santa rule so much? Well it's because of what he brought my boys for Christmas.
This...

That's right, the Nerf Vulcan EBF-25 - belt-fed, fully automatic, and forged in pure awesome in the fires of Mt Doom. This bad boy rains death at 3 rounds per second from a 25 round belt of black-tipped Nerf fury.

The best part is...

Santa brought 2 along with 2 extra belts of ammo for a total of 100 rounds of mom-angering Nerf darts.

It is needless to say that with these two hunks of wickedness coupled with extra magazines and ammo for the other nerf guns, our week was filled with Rambo-esque skirmishing in a seemingly endless round of Nerf tag.

The end result is that we are missing about 15-20 rounds. Mom will probably find them over the next few weeks. (sorry, sweetie)

Our Christmas Video

Dear everyone who made today so much fun,

I am writng this letter to all of you to let you know just how awesome you all are, especially today.

To the over-zealous TSA agent in the Orlando Airport,

I apreciate that you have a hard job to do, I really do. Being paid as little as you do to act like a sheep dog can be real trying. I know that you and I came to words today, but you have to admit-your sign attempting to separate passengers at security is poorly placed on a 3.5 foot tall pole at the front of the line. No one can see it until they get to the front of the line. So asking me to go to the end of another line because I didn't have a stroller was just wrong. Besides, I didn't see you pulling all of the old people, children, and ditsy college girls from the "expert traveller" lane... I know you must hate me for refusing to move, but I'm sure that tonight, as you sit in your apartment, at the edge of your bed with a tumbler of bourbon in one hand and a loaded revolver in the other wondering why you are so very alone, you will realize that taking your job that seriously just isn't worth it.

To Brandon O. - my flight attendant on the plane home,

That's right, I know your name. I made it a point to look at your nametag as you issued me a cliché'd 'buh-bye' while I exited the plane. I wanted you to know that it was you that made 1 and a half hours of my life a living hell. Now I know that all the guys at the bar tell you that you're funny; but you're not. They just think that you are cute and are hoping to get another date with you. We have all heard the joke about smoking outside on the wing and watching "Gone with the Wind" a few times before. It's old and tired, just like your "I'm not gay" act. Did you really think that rattling off a 5 minute list of appliances at the beginning AND the end of the flight was comedy gold? It's one thing to tell a few jokes, but going on and on and on through the whole flight made me wish I could pull the exit door handle and be sucked out to the heavens and into the sweet, relieving arms of death. Do us all a favor and stick to the script, m'kay? Oh, and tell that other attendant with the horrible voice that parodies of "Rudolph" with a kitchy Southwest Airlines theme are better left at the bottom of the advertising bucket.

To the group of people who decided that it was ok to squeeze onto the already full parking shuttle, filling it full.

Were you serious? I guess you were, but there was another shuttle only a few feet behind us. Our driver called in 9 tickets while the bus behind us called in a mere 3, I know because I heard the radio call. Couldn't you have just waited for a few minutes? I guess not. Cramming 12 people into 11 seats is just alright with you. I am sure that you noticed all the best parts of our 10 whole minutes together-including:
1. Loose, potentially life ending baggage rolling in the aisle because the rack
was too full already.
2. The sweating.
3. The smells.
4. Having to wait for baggage to be cleared from the aisles before we could
un-stick ourselves from each other.
5. Having so many tickets called in at once that we had to wait extra time to
get our cars.

Thanks. No, I mean it, thanks. You made my attempt to get home awesome. Jerks.

One more...

To Reyes, my Mexican travel partner,

Please don't turn up the radio when Feliz Navidad starts playing. I strongly dislike it.

So to all of you awesome people... Thanks. You made today just peaches!

Your friend,

Spencer

-- Post From My iPhone

...about not getting his gun yet.

I present you with this sweet video featuring the awesome "melt your face" rock and roll of Joe Ventoso's "The Best Around" which has skillfully been added to scenes from the Turkish Star Wars movie. Enjoy, Merilee. You're the Best Around!

I was on the way to the site this morning when I came across a talk radio show. A local show here in Palm Beach area. It was a liberal radio show. The debate was over whether Jesus was a conservative or a liberal. The radio host asserted that he was obviously a liberal because he healed the sick (free healthcare) and that he believed in the philosophy that if you "teach a man to fish..." WHAT! What liberally enacted policy ever taught a man to fish. Democrats and their liberal backers have always just given out the fish to everyone who wants it. THAT IS WHAT SOCIALISM IS!!! Just because you guys support public education does not mean that you are teaching anyone to "fish"! Who got taught to fish in Louisiana after Katrina? Who is being taught to fish in San Francisco or Detroit? Just saying...

The other thing that they were talking about was "Hate Radio". The caller called in (this show had no direction. It seemed random) and gave his summary for how talk or "Hate" radio stays in business. He said that Conservative talk radio is owned by large corporations. His example was Rush Limbaugh. Rush is owned by Clearchannel. They tell the local affiliates what they can and cannot put on the air. The people have no control over what is being broadcast. The big corporations make us listen to people like Limbaugh and Hannity. To which the show host replied, "Well said." Really?!?!? My follow up question to this idiot is... "If nobody wants to listen, how do they make money?" To what end does a corporation make local stations broadcast their host of choice?
Answer: ADVERTISING
Yeah, that's right, advertising. You see, people with a product to sell buy ad space during shows that have the most listeners. If you want a product to sell, you advertise to the largest audience. Simple capitalism. If a corporation is making a local station broadcast a show that nobody listens to, who is going to advertise.

You know, I listen sometimes to the other side, you know, just to give them the benefit of being considered. And you know.... I haven't been disappointed yet.

One.
Saw bill Clinton interviewed this morning by CNN, talking about his role in the nomination of his wife to Secretary of State. The interviewer was giggling like a teenager. I will never understand infatuation with an old fat guy who can't keep his pants on. Oh well. Anyway, he said... get this... that she was shocked to learn about the nom. She heard about it in the papers. Right.

Two.
Did you know that the number of people whose mortgages are behind by at least 2 months has spiked in the last couple of months? Really? What could be causing that, I wonder. Certainly not the promise of government intervention.

You know, the day started out really wierd. I had to travel to Delray Beach, FL for work. It started when I got into the pickup truck with Reyes, my travel companion. I noticed as I climbed in, that his Ford was falling apart around a sweet Sony stereo and when he turned on the car... you guessed it - the sweet thumping low bass of Mexican polka. It was awesome. We rounded out the day at the hotel watching Steven Segal's Out for Justice, dubbed in Spanish. This trip cannot get over soon enough.