Spencer's Super-Happy Fun-Time Right-Wing Word Pit

Darn.. I have said too much.

Danny, I couldn't agree with you more. Superman is a twit living in a fantasy world of morons who cannot tell that the klutsy 7 foot tall man with who is absolutely rippled with muscles and looks strikingly like Superman, except for galsses is actually Superman.

But...

There is one thing that makes Superman and Batman the same. That is their inability to kill when they have to.

Superman won't fling Lex Luthor out into space and watch as he pops like a balloon just as Batman will never let his anger get to the point where he will kill. Hence - All of the freakish supervillians of the Batman world are still alive. In fact, Gotham had to build an entire facility to house them because Batman cannot kill.

As a matter of fact, years ago they replaced Batman with a more insane dude named Jean Paul Valley who was part of some ancient order called St. Dumas whose job it was to find supercriminals and murder them with a flaming sword. The new Batman even made a new suit made of steel and it had belt fed machine guns and flamethrowers attached to the arms. He was also verbally and physically abusive to Robin. In fact, he slapped Robin around, made him cry and then kicked him out of the Batcave for not being hardcore enough.

Right now, when you are reading this, you are saying two things. One - "Sweet, Batman finally issueing righteous judgement on the scum of Gotham and that queer Robin" and Two - "What happened to Bruce Wayne?"

I will answer your question. Bruce (while being Batman) had his back broken by Bane (another supervillian that wouldn't have been a problem if batman carried guns - more on that later) and was unable to perform his duties.

So what ever happened to the ***-kicking Batman with machine guns and flame throwers? Well... as you all know, most comic book artist are a bunch of liberal hippies. Need proof? They had Captain America killed off because he was too American. And American just ain't cool anymore if you are a stinking hippy. So they had Bruce Wayne get better, do some soul searching and then he kicked Jean Paul Valley in the arse and re-claimed his title as THE Batman. The fact that Batman beat up a guy in a metal suit with flame throwers and guns in his hands is suh-weet. But now Batman is back to being all PC.

Next, Batman is anti-gun.

I don't care how you slice it, being anti-gun sucks. When Batman comes into contact with guns, he destroys them. He blames guns for the death of his parents, as if the gun pulled the trigger itself. Once again, the Hippies at DC comics have to interject their tired belief that guns somehow jump off shelves and kill people and that magical laws will act like a force field keeping said guns on the shelves.

That is why my superhero of choice is this man...

Frank Castle - aka - The Punisher

You see, Frank's entire family was brutily murdered in front of him while at a picnic.

Did he blame the guns? No.

Did he spend years learning to be a super sleuth? No.

Did he go on a soul-searching mission to find himself? No.

Castle was already a Green Beret and working for the Government when his family was murdered. So he did what any PTS riddled vet who watched his family get murdered by gangsters would have done. He gathered up his guns, slapped on a sweet black shirt with a skull on it and went hunting.

Frank, like Batman, moves about at night in a black outfit in order to strike fear into the hearts of criminals. Which is kind of mean since he is just going to kill them anyway. And kill he does. Frank, A decorated Vietnam vet, kills criminals with guns and without mercy. He is so completely awesome that he doesn't even try to hide who he is. No mask. Ask his name and he will tell you it is Frank Castle. Then he will probably shoot you in the face with the largest gun he is carrying just for the inconvenience. Frank isn't trying to do good, he is trying to quell the demons inside the cold, black hole in his empty heart by murdering every criminal on earth.

Punisher has a few ongoing arch enemies. They are only alive because they have armies of expendable minions ready to die at the hands of Mr. Castle in order to keep them safe.

He also doesn't need to be a detective. He hired a nerd named Microchip for that because he is too busy cleaning his guns when he is not using them. So not only is Punisher more brutal, but he is also a capitalist.

So, while I like Batman and Superman, neither of them can do what the Punisher does. That is to satisfy justice on the spot with sweet, sweet brutality.