Spencer's Super-Happy Fun-Time Right-Wing Word Pit

Look, let me be the first to say it… people in airports are by and large a bunch of idiots. For instance, this morning Justin and I arrived at the Orlando International Airport only to be greeted by the most ridiculous line I have ever seen. This line stretched far, far further than I have ever seen a line stretched. We stood in line in for what seemed like forever only to find out that the likely cause of the stack was ignorance. Listen to me folks and listen carefully…

You do not need an engraved invitation to check your luggage at an open kiosk.

Seriously… at any given time there was at least 1 if not 5 open kiosks. To make matters worse, they took an attendant off the line in order to constantly let people know that they could check in. Then, when the attendant began to call for the next person in line – the next person in line usually just stood there, not paying attention. Really!!! If I cage a dog in front of a steak for a long time and then open the cage door, that dog is going to break its neck to get to the steak…. Was the line not long enough for these people? Honestly it is probably the most frustrating thing about travel aside from stinky people and some children… which reminds me…

I usually do OK with kids on the plane, but this last connecting flight from Orlando to Raleigh I was in front of a hellspawn. His intermittent, yet constant scream/growl split the air with the sound of a scorned demon. He constantly kicked at my chair during his screaming fits. It drove me nuts. When the plane landed and the brakes were applied, the entire contents of his seat storage pouch meandered forward to the area between my feet. He had emptied his seat pouch – magazines, peanut wrappers, and other garbage. Then as he exited his seat, he dropped to the floor in a fit and grabbed on to Justin’s leg.

Pure Hell.