Spencer's Super-Happy Fun-Time Right-Wing Word Pit

Dad: Yeah, son; what is it?

Billy: What's BEER?

Dad: Well, sometimes... um... well it's like this... There are certain things out there... Wait. Where did you hear about beer?

Billy: Well, in school we were covering current events and we talked about President Obama having beer with the police man and that smurf cause they were mad at each other.

Way to go, Chosen One. And even if your kid is smart enough to understand (which mine is) that we don't drink beer - this sends the wrong message. The message is that Beer is some sort of "magical treaty juice" that we can all use to solve disputes.

Let me just give you a rundown on what beer does for people:

Alcoholism

Myocardial Infarction

Impairment

Pregnancy

Facial Sharpie Tattoos

Being a jerk

Death

So you have a substance which is addictive, contains carcinogens, can kill brain cells, rots your liver and can turn you into a complete tool. Not to mention that this substance is only available to people age 21 and over. On top of that, you have a teenage drinking problem in this country and President "responsible" decides that the best way to publicly solve a dispute is to crack open a 40 oh-zee. Why not a cigarette as well? hhhhhhhhmmmmmm? Maybe we could roll a fat blunt and throw some Coolio on the turntable!

Now, some of you "beer drinking" buddies of mine are probably pulling your hair out. Let me put you at ease. You're an adult (probably) and what you do as an adult with your body is your decision and no business of mine. I don't have a problem with that. What I do have a problem with is our "Victorious Leader" promoting the smooth taste of colt .45 as a cure-all for civil discontent. The reason is simple - whether or not he likes it, he is a role model - for everyone - that means kids of all ages. He's the freaking president. Beer isn't for everyone because some people get addicted to it in a really bad way. So what the Pres. has done is let everyone know (even my kids) that beer is okay. "Hey, let's just have a beer."

Hey, Obama... have a little couth. Show a little respect for parents out there who know that substances like alcohol are a gamble and want to disuade their kids from doing it. Especially before they're of age. mmmmkay?

Jerk.